Come Out, Come Out Where Ever You Are—We’re Waiting for You

Why would a fat old breeder like me celebrate National Coming Out Day?  Because like almost everyone, I have known and loved gay and lesbian folk my entire life—even when I did not know, or was not supposed to know the “truth” about them. 

Because I was bullied and tormented in school—queer bait was a particular taunt aimed at a bookish kid who didn’t fit in—and saw worse. 

Because one of my closest friends in the tight knit and open circle of young Wobblies in Chicago in the early ‘70’s was afraid to come out even to us—although we all knew it.  We all had to pretend.  He was the first person I knew who died from AIDS.

Because I have lived for nearly 30 years in a conservative county where gays, lesbians, and transgender folk lived in such fear that it was only in the last 10 years or so that they felt comfortable enough to organize and publicly appear at Diversity Day and local parades as McHenry County Pride.

Because I have a beloved granddaughter who is managing the still frightening experience of being openly gay in her high school and who is lucky to have the full support of her loving parents, grandparents, and aunts.

Because I have lived through the joy worshiping  in a place where the most important thing is who you are, not who you are sleeping with; where families of descriptions are just that—families;  and where no one has to “represent” their life, just live it.  It was not always smooth getting there, but it feels so right.

Coming Out Day was first organized on October 11, 1988 in commemoration of the 1987 National March on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights by New Mexico psychologist Robert Eichberg and Jean O’Leary, an openly-gay political leader from Los Angeles and head of the National Gay Rights Advocates. By its second year it had grown to be celebrated in 21 states and by 1990 was observed in all 50 states.  It is now also observed in other countries including Australia, Canada, Croatia, Germany, the Netherlands, New Zealand, Poland, Switzerland, and the United Kingdom.

Since 1990 it has been sponsored by the Human Rights Campaign as the National Coming Out Project.

Unitarian Universalist Association (UUA), long a supporter of gay, lesbian and transgender justice, is a supporter and participant in the Project. 

The Standing on the Side of Love campaign, founded by the UUA, has these suggestions for Ten Ways You Can Make a Difference on Coming Out Day/

1. Share Your Coming Out Story

Many people think when you come out friends and family, you’re “out”—case closed. But the closet door often swings open and shut again and again. Whether it’s your medical provider, a new coworker or neighbor, the owner of a B&B you want to stay at, or an employer, LGBTQ (Lesbian/Gay/Bi-sexual/Transgender/Questioning) people find ourselves coming out again and again in ways big and small. Maybe it’s subtly dropping a pronoun. Or answering the glare from someone who doesn’t think the gender marker on our driver’s license matches our presentation. Indeed, coming out is a lifelong process, not an event.

“Coming out” can apply more broadly than just to the LGBTQ community. By sharing our vulnerabilities and our authentic selves—whether or not what we are disclosing is identity-based—we can help others on their own path. Sharing something personal to help others is so brave, and receiving that story is a special gift.

Share your coming out story so that others can learn from your wisdom. In what ways do you find yourself coming out at this point in your life? What advice would you offer others? Send your coming out story to love@uua.org and we will choose a few to share on our blog.

2. Join the Chorus to Defeat DOMA

The Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) is dying a slow death. Several federal judges have ruled it unconstitutional to deny federal benefits to legally married couples, and the U.S. Supreme Court could decide any day to take up challenges to DOMA in its next term. More states have extended the freedom to marry, and more Members of Congress have co-sponsored the Respect for Marriage Act, which would repeal DOMA. Whether DOMA falls by the hands of Congress or the U.S. Supreme Court, a chorus of voices is needed to ensure that DOMA stays dead and buried.

Come out today for dignity, respect, justice and equality under the law. Click here to ask your congressional representatives to repeal DOMA.

3. Tweet Your Faith: Speak Out for LGBT Equality

“It always seemed to me a bit pointless to disapprove of homosexuality. It’s like disapproving of rain.” – Francis Maude

Sometimes, a simple quote goes a long way. This National Coming Out Day, leverage social media to make a statement! It’s stunning to think about the sweeping changes that social media platforms have created for human connections at all levels. Today, connect with your virtual friends on Twitter and Facebook and share a pro-LGBTQ quote or saying. Click here to use our “tweet your faith” tool.

While you’re at it, use social media to speak out against casual homophobia too. Use the hashtag “#nohomophobes” to call out this hurtful language wherever you see it.

            4. Take Action for Marriage Equality

With the November election fast approaching, there is great hope that this year will be a tipping point for LGBTQ equality at the ballot box. Voters in Washington, Maine, and Maryland have the opportunity to approve marriage equality laws, while Minnesota voters will hopefully vote “no” to writing discrimination into their state constitution.

Are you ready for your Vacation for Equality? Come out and spend a week, two weeks, or a month—the time commitment is up to you—working on one of the equality campaigns. United for Marriage will work with you every step of the way to arrange your travel, housing, and transportation. You’ll receive a full orientation and training, and then work with a dedicated team on a campaign to win marriage equality. Click here to learn more and sign up.

Can’t travel? Use HRC’s revolutionary Call4Equality tool that uses the power of Facebook to let you get in touch with the people you know in these states. Call4Equality reminds you who you know in these states and then automatically creates personalized call lists and scripts for you to drum up votes and volunteers in this election. Click here to get involved.

5. Channel Creativity to Inspire Others

Here’s a great way to make sure your voice is heard on National Coming Out Day: Chalk! You have to admit, when you see brightly colored chalk, you take note of what is being said. Why not use this opportunity to reach out to individuals who feel trapped in their own closet? Let them know “Gay is Good,” or “Gender Doesn’t Matter,” or whatever phrase speaks to you personally. This is also a great activity to get LGBTQ advocates of all ages involved on National Coming Out Day. Even though chalk is washable, please check your community’s policies on sidewalk chalk and be mindful about where you chalk and who might be responsible for cleaning up your messages.

If you have a chalking photo with a positive message, today or any day over the next month, share your photo on our Facebook page and we’ll repost it for everyone to see.

6. Become a Mentor (…and bring your honest, best self!)

There is no doubt that LGBTQ youth face unique challenges in our society. But many adult LGBTQ people shy away from mentoring, and the opportunity to provide guidance and support to young people, because we fear being discriminated against ourselves. Come out as a mentor! Big Brothers Big Sisters of America (BBBSA) has endorsed nondiscrimination principles for 25 years that cover sexual orientation, race, religion, and ethnicity. Ten years ago, the sexual orientation provision became a mandatory policy for all of the organization’s affiliates. Click here to find a local affiliate near you.

BBBSA focuses on helping kids of single parents, and may not focus on unique problems facing LGBTQ kids. So learn what you can about other local organizations working to mentor LGBTQ youth—for instance, the L.A. Gay and Lesbian Center, Leading Youth Forward Every Day in Washington, D.C., or True Colors in Connecticut.

7. Sign Up for Our “Transgender Identity & Inclusion” Webinar (…and tell a friend!)

This interactive, informative webinar, presented by Alex Kapitan of the Unitarian Universalist Association LGBTQ Ministries office, will offer a crash course in transgender identity and provide practical and concrete ways to increase your mindfulness and support of people of all identities and ways of expressing gender. Join us to learn more about the oft-misunderstood “T” part of the acronym and bring a friend!

The Transgender Identity & Inclusion Webinar will be held on Wednesday, October 17 from 7:00-8:15 ET. Click here to RSVP.

8. Embrace Intersecting Identities

Some of the bravest examples of “coming out” involve DREAMers–undocumented youth hoping for a brighter future and advocating for passage of the DREAM Act. Some of those DREAMers are also LGBTQ-identified. Now, more than ever, LGBTQ advocates are embracing the intersections of our movement with movements for immigrant rights, women’s rights, and racial justice.

Today, come out as an advocate for justice for all by sharing this photo via social media:

9. Come Out in Your Community

Years ago, the phrase “We’re Here, We’re Queer, Get Used to It” took hold. Sadly, many people are still not “used to it,” and continue to work against LGBTQ equality. Sometimes it feels good to show up without apology, demanding to be seen as we are, protesting the societal structures that seek to keep us down. This National Coming Out Day, consider holding a kiss-in in your community. Has your city council failed to pass an inclusive anti-discrimination law? Hold your kiss-in in the public square outside the municipal government building. Feeling the heartburn over Chick-fil-A’s anti-LGBTQ donations? Make a statement outside a local franchise.

10. Have a Conversation with Someone New about LGBTQ Equality

Do you have a friend, family member, or neighbor with whom you avoid talking about LGBTQ equality? Use National Coming Out Day as a conversation starter and share why LGBTQ equality is important to you. Conversations and personal stories make a difference and can really change the way people think about these issues. Check out this guide from the Minnesota marriage equality campaign for more information on starting these kinds of conversations.

The Night the Queers Fought Back

Gay demonstrators confront New York City riot police on the second night of the Stonewall Rebellion.

Note:  Adapted from a post on this date in 2010.

On the night of June 27, 1969 something snapped when New York City Police made one of their regular raids on a Gay bar.  Instead of meekly submitting to arrest, patrons at the Stonewall Inn, a Greenwich Village bar operated by the Mafia and patronized by the most marginalized of folks—homeless street kid hustlers, drag queens, and butch dikes began resisting when police started to arrest them. 

The raid was conducted by a small team of detectives, uniformed officers and police women led by Deputy Inspector Seymour Pine of the Public Morals Squad. 

For some reason patrons refused to follow the familiar procedure of such raids—allowing restroom inspections of individuals in women’s clothing to determine if they were men and providing identification upon request.  Dumfounded by resistance, police called for backup and paddy wagons.  There was some scuffling inside. 

Meanwhile some patrons who had been released were joined by passersby outside the bar.  The crowd quickly swelled.  Taunts and jeers were exchanged between the police and crowd.  The crowd began to interfere as drag queens were led to the wagons.  When a lesbian made several unsuccessful attempts to escape, she was beaten and cried out to the crowd, “Why don't you guys do something?” 

That ignited the crowd which began pelting police with beer cans, coins, and rubble from a nearby construction sight.  They attacked the wagons, freeing some of those arrested.  Police retreated into the bar and barricaded themselves.  They grabbed some members of the crowd as they went, including folk singer Dave Van Ronk who had been playing at a nearby club and came out to investigate the ruckus, and Howard Smith, a writer for the Village Voice.

 Observers reported that the most aggressive members of the crowd were the young street kids.  They used uprooted parking meters as a ram to try and break down the doors of the bar and crashed through the plywood covered windows.  When they got in police drew their pistols and threatened to shoot while rioters used lighter fluid to start a fire. 

The Fire Department responded as the crowd outside grew to hundreds.  The Tactical Police Force (TPF) arrived in riot gear to rescue the besieged officers in the saloon.  They formed a phalanx and moved up the street being blocked and taunted by an impromptu kick line of drag queens and “sissies.” 

Rioters and police played a brand of violent tag around the narrow streets of the Village until after 4 AM.  The riots were front page news. 

They were not over.  The next night even larger crowds gathered in front of the building and fighting continued.  Despite heavy rain there were sporadic eruptions the next two nights. 

Meanwhile the gay community, which had been largely unorganized except for the small Mattachine Society which advocated a campaign to educate the public that Homosexuals were “normal,” began to meet and debate tactics.  Thousands of fliers were printed for a Wednesday march. 

The original rebellion, which had been entirely spontaneous, was already laying the groundwork for a new, open and defiant Gay movement.  Taking cues from the Civil Rights Movement and the Peace Movement, which were also confronting authorities with a new militancy, and taking advantage of the traditional anti-establishment radicalism of the Village, the beginning of a new movement was taking place. 

On Wednesday the Village Voice—the most liberal paper in New York, carried a harshly critical piece on the riots describing participants as “forces of faggotry.”  Angry demonstrators descended on the Voice offices that night and threatened to burn them down.  Other violent confrontations erupted in the neighborhood as police tried to stop marchers, this time for the first time carrying signs and “making demands.” 

That was the last night of disturbances, but things changed quickly over the next year.  Two new militant Gay organizations emerged in New York, the Gay Liberation Front, which allied itself with the broader radical movement, and the Gay Activists Alliance which advocated a focused campaign demanding an end to police harassment and for broader rights for Gays. 

Similar or allied groups sprang up in major cities and college towns across the country.  New Yorkers founded three new newspapers, Gay, Come Out!, and Gay Power which soon had press runs to 20-2500.  Again, similar publications were founded across the country. 

On June 28, 1970 the anniversary of what was now being called the Stonewall Rebellion was marked by Christopher Street Liberation Day and a 51 block march from the Village to Central Park with thousands of marchers filling the streets.  Marches were also held in Chicago and Los Angeles. 

These became the Gay Pride Marches that have become annual events across the country.  There was a huge march Sunday in Chicago.  An indication of how accepted and mainstream Gay rights have become, at least in big cities, is that there were official floats sponsored by the city’s sports teams. Politicians galore and all of the major media turn out to court the potent Gay vote and consumer demographic.  But there were still loads drag queens and all of the high camp fun that the carnival-like parades have become known for.

It was also the very first Gay Pride Parade for my granddaughter Caitlin, who is not afraid of coming out.  Her proud mom Heather was there at her side.  Good for both of them.  Wish I could have been there, too.

But I hope in all of the celebrations, the roots in the struggle for simple human respect fought out on the streets of Greenwich Village were not forgotten.

Put a Candle on that Thin Mint—The Girl Scouts Turn 100

Dangerous subversives on the march!

The Girl Scouts of the USA (GSUSA) has been making it into the news a lot lately not just in the community notes section of the newspaper amid the rummage sales, bingo nights, and Accountant of the Year awards.  And not, as they had surely hoped exclusively in fawning articles marking the organization’s centennial celebration.

No, it turns out that to some folks the Girl Scouts are an imminent threat to Western Civilization.  They have become a prime target in the war against women, junior division.

It started in January when a California Scout, responding to a group called Honest Girl Scouts posted an eight minute video on YouTube.  It became an overnight viral sensation.  The girl was angry because a Denver Scout troop had accepted the membership of a transgender boy.  She accused the Scouts of violating the safety of girls by admitting a boy and of lying to parents and Scouts.  She urged a boycott of Girl Scout Cookie sales.  Almost overnight the girl became the darling of the Right Wing and trashing the Girl Scouts became the popular meme of the moment.

On the other hand, responding to the rapidly rising viciousness of attacks on the GSA, many folks responded by ordering more cookies than they ever had.  In fact, cookie sales soared.

That was not the end.  In February Indiana Republican, Rep. Bob Morris of Fort Wayne was the sole vote against a routine resolution recognizing the GSA’s centennial.  He sent an e-mail to his colleagues, which rapidly made front page news, accusing the organization of being involved with the Great Satan of the Religious Right, Planned Parenthood—an old charge vehemently denied by both organizations.  But he went further.  According to USA Today Morris, “…said that liberal Girl Scout leaders ‘indoctrinate’ girls with Planned Parenthood principles and that the Scouts tout 50 role models, all but three of whom he said are ‘feminists, lesbians or Communists.’”

Morris was a hero to the radio ranters, but was quickly the laugh stock of Indiana.  The mixture of bemusement and outrage was so great that Indian House Speaker Brian Bosma scrambled to head off damage to his party.  He announced that he had personally bought over 400 boxes of cookies and handed out Thin Mints on the floor of the House.  He called on women members who were once Girl Scouts—which turned out to every female member of the house on both sides of the aisle—to stand together to make a formal motion for adjournment.   It might have worked to diffuse public anger, but today Bosma has a huge target painted on his back by Tea Party activists bent on revenge.

Tone deaf to public outrage with these attacks, the right wing continues to press them with ever more virulence.  At least one Southern church made a big public display of kicking the Girl Scout Troop it had long sponsored out of its building.  More congregations are expected to follow.

The GSA seems a little stunned by the furor.  The Boy Scouts of America (BSA), with which it has no relationship except the shared name of Scouts, has typically been the most controversial.  National BSA leadership has made headlines be repeatedly reinforcing stringent rules against admitting Gays and atheists, which by its definition includes even members of non-theistic religions like Buddhism, pagans, and Unitarian Universalists who will not affirm loyalty to a personal God.  They have even expelled loyal leaders, lifelong Eagle Scouts, and parents who are critical of their position.  

The BSA is the official youth organization for boys of the Church of the Latter Day Saints, and his heavily supported by the nation’s largest Protestant denomination, the conservative Southern Baptist Convention.  Catholic leaders have strongly supported the BSA stand and many parishes sponsor Troops.  On the other hand the BSA severed all ties with the Unitarian Universalist Association several years ago for daring to mildly criticize these positions in a separate pamphlet given to their own members seeking to win a religious award.

It was long noted that the Girl Scouts would not follow the same path.  They never had a policy of excluding lesbians either as Scouts or leaders and had no religious test for membership.  That long ago put them on the Right wing’s shit list.  But until recently the popularity of the Girl Scouts has kept them from making many overt attacks.

The gloves are off now.  The GSA tries to correct misinformation and outright lies and vainly tries to keep the controversy from affecting the girls themselves and their troops.

Let’s celebrate the birthday today and extend our wishes for many more!

On March 12, 1912 Juliette Gordon Low established the first troop of Girl Guides in America in her hometown of Savannah, Georgia.  The troop included 12 girls, mostly friends of her niece Margaret Gordon, who became the first enrolled member.  The following year Low changed the name of her organization to Girl Scouts of America (GSA). 

Low was born in 1860.  Her father, a member of an old Georgia family was soon off to war as a Confederate officer.  Her mother was a Kinzie, one of the founding families of Chicago.  Her mother encouraged Daisy, as she was called, in her interest in both the arts and social service. She wrote poetry, painted, and eventually became a skilled sculptor.

She grew up privileged and enjoyed the finest education available to girls of her class.  She was sent to boarding school at the Virginia Female Institute and then to fashionable French finishing school in New York.  She spent years touring extensively in Europe and the U.S. before marrying William Mackay Low, a wealthy Englishman in her Savannah home. 

An errant grain of rice thrown at the wedding ruptured an ear drum and the following infection left her totally deaf in that ear.  Childhood illness had severely damaged the hearing in the other.  Despite her disability Low continued to lead an active life. 

The couple settled in England, but Low returned annually for extended stay in the States.  When the Spanish American War broke out, her father was commissioned a General.  Low joined her mother in establishing a hospital for wounded soldiers. 

Although she afterward returned to England, her marriage was in a shambles.  She separated from her husband but for social reasons could not divorce.  His death in 1905 freed her to find a new mission in life.  

A chance meeting in 1911with Sir Robert Baden-Powell, founder of the Boy Scouts and Girl Guides in Britain awakened her interest in youth work.  She returned to her ancestral home in Savannah and began the work. 

She did not slavishly copy Baden-Powell program, which she thought did not do enough to encourage independence in young women and which kept them in an inferior status to boys.  She kept her organization separate from the new Boy Scouts of America so as not to be swamped.  But she defiantly took the name Scouts to emphasize parity. 

Her program did not just include wholesome outdoor activity and domestic arts, but also encouraged the arts, intellectual development and leadership skill necessary for women to establish careers and take positions of civic leadership.  She also defied convention—and shocked many—by insisting that disabled girls be admitted as full members in integrated troops. 

She saw her organization grow rapidly from its humble beginnings and spread across the nation.  With her extensive international experience and her contact with Girl Guide and Scout movements in Europe on all sides even during the First World War she helped establish the World Association of Girl Guides and Girl Scouts after the end of the conflict. 

Low died of breast cancer in her beloved home in 1927.  In 1953 the Girl Scouts purchased and restored that home as the Juliette Gordon Low Girl Scout National Center.  Known reverently as simply The Birthplace, it was designated a National Historic Landmark in 1965.