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Trump hands off hot potato to designated patsy Mike Pence.
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Except
for a bit of hair-on-fire-gotta-stop-Bernie
coverage of the Democratic presidential
nomination race the international Coronavirus
panic has pushed everything else off the 24 hour news cycle. Vanished
in a trice are yesterday’s concerns—impeachment,
Russian election meddling, immigration, general assaults on democracy, rising oligarchy, gun violence
rampages, and looming environmental catastrophe.
It
all seemed to come as a complete surprise
to the Resident, Donald Trump and as usual his response was incoherent, contradictory,
and wrapped in his own fragile ego. His administration had long ago staked its flag on science denial, abiding suspicion
of “elite” experts, and a war on its own government. The Center for Disease Control (CDC) and National Institute of
Health (NIH) were systematically
being defunded and the entire international infectious disease response team
was sacked.
The
Cheeto-in-Charge’s first instinct was simple denial coupled with bland assurances that he had everything under control. Then he acted as if the main threat was economic trotting out not doctors
or public health officials, but Commerce Secretary Wilbur Ross to make
the rounds of Sunday morning talking
head fests. Eventually he settled on
a prescription of goading the Federal Reserve to cut interest
rates and Congress to cut taxes.
Of course he did. As the old adage points out “when you only have a
hammer, every problem looks like a nail.”
Then
he tried to appear to take the health threat seriously and took to TV to
solemnly vow to take action. But no sooner were those words out of his
mouth than he was telling a rally of
true believers, that the whole crisis was just another example of fake news and idiot son #1 Don Jr. floated
the idea that the whole thing was another example of Democrats trying to take down his Presidency.
And
he handed the whole hot potato off
to Vice President Mike Pence who has
not had much to do lately except stare adoringly
at the President during certain photo
ops. As newly appointed Coronavirus Czar his first action was not any medical response, but
an attempt to control the message by
requiring that all statements about the crisis from professionals in any agency had
to be cleared by his office. The first victim of the policy was the most
respected infectious disease expert
in the government, Dr. Anthony Fauci
the Director of the National Institute
of Allergy and Infectious Diseases.
Trump’s
choice to tap Pence for the job over, say, his completely missing in action Surgeon
General Vice Admiral Jerome Adams or any other doctor naturally raises eyebrows. The Veep’s
credentials on health were deeply suspect. As Governor
of Indiana he presided over a deadly surge in HIV connected deaths when he scrapped
effective programs like a safe
needle exchange in favor of prayer. It is unclear if his prayers were ineffective or if the deaths meant they
were. As a Congressional candidate he had flatly said that “Time for a quick
reality check. Despite the hysteria from the political class and the media,
smoking doesn’t kill.” And of course
there is his long war on women’s
reproductive rights including demonstrably
false claims about fetal development
and viability.
All
of this is a long-winded exposition
to a dream vision I had of Mike
Pence singing an old gospel standard. His version of the song is interspersed with
some explanatory commentary.
Mike
Pence Sings!
Gimmie That Ol’ Time Infection
Chorus
Gimmie
that ol’ time infection,
Gimmie
that ol’ time infection,
Gimmie
that ol’ time infection,
And
it’s good enough for me!
It
was good for those ol Hebrews,
It
was good for those ol Hebrews,
It
was good for those ol Hebrews,
And it’s good enough for me!*
*But rough on Egypt’s sons.
Repeat Chorus
It
was good for rising Burgers,
It
was good for rising Burgers,
It
was good for rising Burgers,
And
its’s good enough for me!*
*Black Death credited with rise of cities.
Repeat Chorus
It
was good for Pioneers,
It
was good for Pioneers,
It
was good for Pioneers,
And
its’s good enough for me!*
*Small pox killed k 90% of Native Americans.
Repeat Chorus
It
was good in 1919,
It
was good in 1919,
It
was good in 1919,
And
its’s good enough for me!*
*Killed
pesky Commies.
Repeat Chorus
It
was good in Darkest Africa,
It
was good in Darkest Africa,
It
was good in Darkest Africa,
And
its’s good enough for me!*
*Shit hole African population control .
It
was good for straight White Christians,
It
was good for straight White Christians,
It
was good for straight White Christians,
And its’s good enough for me!* *God’s wrath on faggots and dykes.
Final Chorus
Gimmie
that ol’ time infection,
Gimmie
that ol’ time infection,
Gimmie
that ol’ time infection,
And
it’s good enough for me!
—Patrick Murfin
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