Showing posts with label funeral. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funeral. Show all posts

Monday, June 26, 2017

When Life Slaps You in the Face—A Beloved Child is Dead

Memorial graphic by Emilie's friend  Hans Hanson.


Ok, you are cruising through life.  Things are fine enough. It has been, on the whole, a lovely early summer.  Blue skies, spreading trees, and the graceful return of day lilies and lightning bugs in the gloaming go a long way toward soothing the soul and lifting the spirit.  Sure, there is tragedy enough in the world.  You are taken aback by it six times a day and draw a momentary anguished breath.  But it is not your tragedy.  Empathy is one thing, but survival requires a certain hardening of the heart lest you be overwhelmed and destroyed.  Besides, a lovely song is playing somewhere.
And then, suddenly, life slaps you in the face.  Random death has called not at your door but has touched those who are in the grand hoop of your life. 
Last Tuesday Emilie Anderson was killed in an automobile accident in Iowa.  She was just 20 years old and vibrant in life, a beloved free spirit.    Emilie was the daughter of my wife Kathy Brady-Murfin’s niece by her sister Cindy Kringstad.  

My niece Sandi Anderson with her children and grand children in 20015;  That's Sandi in front in pink.  Emilie was second from the right in the top row.
She was one of eight children  of our niece Sandi Anderson and her late husband Ross.  It was a close, rollicking family but Ross’s death a couple of years ago after years of serious illness put a strain on relationships.  Sandi and some of her children moved to Illinois and started a new life.  Several of the others stayed in Iowa.  Emilee was one of them.
I didn’t know her, or most of the children very well.  Our daughters Carolynne and Heather grew up with Sandi and her sister Tracy.  Both families lived in Crystal Lake.  But after Sandi married Ross and moved to Colfax, Iowa to start their family, we did not see them often.  We visited  a couple of times before Emilie was even born.  Once in a great while the whole rolling army of them would pack into oversized vans and come to some family event.  I saw them all, Emilie included four summers ago at my wife’s aunt Benita Wilczynski’s funeral dinner.
No matter that I was not personally close to Emilie and chances are she could not have picked me out of a line-up and must have been only dimly aware of who the hell that distant shirt tail relative in the cowboy hat was.

Emilie full of life and wonder.
When I saw her fresh, lovely young face, so open and eager for life staring back at me from my Facebook feed, it was all as real and horrible as if it happened next door and I saw her every day of her life.
But let’s not kid ourselves.  No matter my personal response, I know that it pales beside the gaping hole her sudden absence leaves in the hearts of her mother, siblings, and grandparents.  Her great aunt Kathy is still recovering from her knee replacement surgery and the sudden death of her youngest brother Michael Brady just two weeks ago at the age of only 54.  Life can deal out worse hands than the one I drew.
Visitation will be today at  Coburn Funeral Home in Colfax from 6 to 8 pm.  The funeral will be conducted at the at Hope Assembly of God Church there at 10:30 Tuesday followed by internment at Colfax Cemetery. 
Kathy can’t travel and I can’t get off of work.  Our family will be represented at the funeral and burial by our daughter Maureen Rotter.
As for me, I am at a loss to adequately express my condolences.  Perhaps this will help.  More than 15 years ago I wrote a poem for a girl from my church, then the Congregational Unitarian Church in Woodstock, Illinois.  Like Emilie, she died suddenly and violently.  The verse was included in my 2004 collection We Build Temples in the Heart published by Skinner House.   I don’t think Danielle will mind me lending her poem to Emilie.  It seems perfectly apt.

The crescent Moon plays hide and seek with the winds and the clouds in the morning sky.

The Moon
For Emilie

The Moon, fallen past full,
            rose red, blood red,
            late in the summer sky,
            a mourning moon,
            a keening moon—
                        a beloved child is dead.

In the gray dawn
            the self-same Moon
            shimmers silver
            from the acme of the sky,
            finding a hole in the morning clouds.

The sun will rise
            and burn away those clouds,
            the Moon, bright Moon,
            will fade against the brilliance of the sky.

And in the Moon,
            which waxes and wanes,
            rises  and falls,
            wanders the heavens,
            plays hide and seek
            with the winds and clouds,
            she lives yet—
a changing and ever beloved memory.

            Oh, the Moon!
            “the ever constant  Moon.”

—Patrick Murfin





Monday, November 14, 2016

Leonard Cohen—Canada’s Inestimable Gift to the World

The Cohen family plot in Montreal's Shaar Hashomayim Cemetery.


By the time we learned of Leonard Cohen’s death in Los Angeles on Thursday evening, he had already been laid to rest in his family’s Montreal plot after a traditional Jewish ceremony at Congregation Shaar Hashomayim, an Orthodox synagogue in the Westmount neighborhood where he “was a beloved and revered member.”   Apt and fitting.  Cohen lived in a modest California home mostly for the sake of his career.  In the great spiritual journey of his long life, the odyssey that informed his fiction, poetry, and songs, he had immersed himself in mystical Catholicism and contemplative Buddhism.  He had learned much from both.  But in his heart he was always a Jew and forever the son of that cosmopolitan Old World city in Canada.
When Cohen died on Monday, November 7, just a week ago, at the age of 82 he was at peace with himself and ready to go.  He had been in declining health for some time despite remaining creatively active, touring internationally in 2014, and continuing to make occasional appearances.  He released a new album, You Want It Darker this summer to universal critical acclaim and the most robust sales he had enjoyed in a while—it was not a hit exactly—Cohen never had a hit performing his own songs—but a treasure savored by longtime fans  and an unexpected introduction to new listeners.
Leonard Cohen's final album.
Last summer he learned that that Marianne Ihlen, one of his many lovers and the muse who inspired some of his most famous and beloved songs—Bird on the Wire, Hey, That’s No Way to Say Goodbye, and So Long, Marianne—was in the stages of a final illness in Norway.   He e-mailed her a final message that went publicly viral after her death two days later.
Well Marianne, it’s come to this time when we are really so old and our bodies are falling apart and I think I will follow you very soon. Know that I am so close behind you that if you stretch out your hand, I think you can reach mine. And you know that I’ve always loved you for your beauty and your wisdom, but I don’t need to say anything more about that because you know all about that. But now, I just want to wish you a very good journey. Goodbye old friend. Endless love, see you down the road.
In September Cohen gave a series of long valedictory interviews to David Remnick for the New Yorker.  He described the process of making his final album mostly from home as he grew physically weaker.
In a certain sense, this particular predicament is filled with many fewer distractions than other times in my life and actually enables me to work with a little more concentration and continuity than when I had duties of making a living, being a husband, being a father.  Those distractions are radically diminished at this point. The only thing that mitigates against full production is just the condition of my body…For some odd reason I have all my marbles, so far. I have of many resources, some cultivated on a personal level, but circumstantial, too: my daughter and her children live downstairs, and my son lives two blocks down the street. So I am extremely blessed.
If Cohen was equanimous about his eminent departure, his many admirers were devastated.  It has been a tough year for the passing of beloved cultural iconsPrince and David Bowie spring to mindeach of whom were deeply meaningful in the lives of their contemporaries.  Cohen’s mourners may have been fewer and more eclectic but the loss was just as visceral.
In an odd way the announcement of his death was the final punctuation on a miserable week for many of his old fans coming just days after the triumph of neo-fascism in the American elections.  Cohen was the least political and most intensely personal and spiritual of the folk music singer/songwriters of his generation.  Yet in the end his most famous song became a gut-wrenching but healing balm when Kate McKinnon opened Saturday Night Live as Hillary Clinton singing a breathtakingly heartfelt Hallelujah.
Kate McKinnon as Hillary Clinton performing Cohen's beloved anthem Hallelujah.

Last year on Cohen’s birthday, I posted the following entry which I am recycling now with appropriate edits.
For most Americans Leonard Cohen was a raspy voiced singer-song writer best known for the many covers of his compositions.  Judy Collins introduced him to the audience in 1967 when she recorded Suzanne.  His other early and widely recorded songs included Sisters of Mercy, So Long, Marianne, Hey, That’s No Way to Say Goodbye, and Bird on the Wire.  Later Hallelujah, a powerful, haunting song became almost ubiquitous with more than 150 recorded versions by artists as diverse at Jeff Buckley, Ruffus Wainwright, Willie Nelson, Justin Timberlake, and k. d. lang, who sang it at the opening ceremonies of the 2010 Winter Olympic Games in Vancouver, before a world-wide TV audience estimated at 3 billion viewers.  Cohen himself has made successful tours presenting his words and music to increasingly adoring crowds.
But to Canadians Cohen is something more—a renaissance man recognized as virtually the national poet and the author of brilliant post-modern novels as well as a musician and song writer.  He has been called a national treasure and the most significant Canadian cultural figure of all time.
Leonard Cohen was born on September 21, 1934 in Montreal, Quebec to two Jewish emigrants.  His mother was Lithuanian and his father, Polish.  His father, who died when the boy was only 9, had owned successful men’s clothing stores and left a trust fund for his son which, though modest, enabled him to pursue studies and then a career in the arts. 
As a child Cohen felt the weight of being in the lineage of the High Priests of the Temple.  He attended Herzliah High School, a Jewish day school.  Despite the traditional European education, young Cohen was drawn to North American folk music and began to play the guitar and sing with his own group, the Buckskin Boys.
In 1951 Cohen enrolled in Canada’s most prestigious school, McGill University and also began exploring the bohemian coffee houses and bars that were nurturing experimental young poets.  He excelled at school and became captain of McGill’s renowned Debating Union.  His first collection of poetry, Let Us Compare Mythologies was published as the first book in the new McGill Poetry Series in 1956 while Cohen was still an undergraduate.  After graduating he went on to one semester of McGill Law School, and then studied at Columbia University in New York City.
Cohen’s second book, The Spice-Box of Earth published in 1961 when he was 27 years old, won considerable attention in Canada as well as notice in Britain.  Many of its poems have become staples of Canadian poetry anthologies and literature texts.  Following its publication he retreated for several years to the island of Hydra in Greece, where worked on the sharper, darker poems collected in Flowers for Hitler published in 1964.
During the same period of self-imposed exile, Cohen turned his attention to the novel.  His autobiographical The Favourite Game about a young man discovering himself through writing and sexual adventures was published in England and the U.S. after being rejected by his Canadian publisher.  Even then, the manuscript was cut nearly in half.  The book was not a success, although due to his popularity as a poet attracted some attention.  It was a bitter experience. 
None-the-less, Cohen pressed forward and in 1966 published Beautiful Losers, a highly experimental novel of an unusual love triangle among devotees of the Mohawk Catholic Kateri Tekakwitha who has officially been beatified and is a candidate for sainthood.  The book is widely considered a masterpiece.
In the late 1960’s Cohen tuned much of his attention to music.  He relocated to the Untied States in 1967 to pursue a career as a song writer and with the encouragement of Judy Collins and his then love interest Joni Mitchell and got a contract with Columbia for an album, The Songs of Leonard Cohen.  It became a cult record in the U.S., not achieving Gold Record status for nearly twenty years.  But it was a major hit in Canada, Britain, and in Europe.  The songs on the album became known by the covers by Collins, Fairport Convention, Roberta Flack, Johnny Cash and many other artists.
Cohen concentrated on his music career, but continued to issue new poetry every few years.  Selected Poems 1956-1968 which included previously un-collected pieces, work from his earlier books, and song lyrics became the kind of battered paperback book stuffed into the back pocked of jeans worn by aspiring poets across the globe.  In 1978 Death of a Lady’s Man, a major collection of poetry and prose came out.  After years of study of Zen Buddhism, Book of Mercy 1984, the winner of the Canadian Author's Association Literary Award for Poetry was published containing 50 prose poems influenced by the Bible, Torah, and Zen writings which have been categorized as psalms or prayers.  1993 saw Stranger Music: Selected Poems and Songs, the Book of Longing came out in 2006, Poems and Songs in 2011, and Fifteen Poems in 2012.
 
Beautiful Losers in the American paperback edition that became a cult classic.



None-the-less, Cohen pressed forward and in 1966 published Beautiful Losers, a highly experimental novel of an unusual love triangle among devotees of the Mohawk Catholic Kateri Tekakwitha who has officially been beatified and is a candidate for sainthood.  The book is widely considered a masterpiece.
In the late 1960’s Cohen tuned much of his attention to music.  He relocated to the Untied States in 1967 to pursue a career as a song writer and with the encouragement of Judy Collins and his then love interest Joni Mitchell and got a contract with Columbia for an album, The Songs of Leonard Cohen.  It became a cult record in the U.S., not achieving Gold Record status for nearly twenty years.  But it was a major hit in Canada, Britain, and in Europe.  The songs on the album became known by the covers by Collins, Fairport Convention, Roberta Flack, Johnny Cash and many other artists.
Cohen concentrated on his music career, but continued to issue new poetry every few years.  Selected Poems 1956-1968 which included previously un-collected pieces, work from his earlier books, and song lyrics became the kind of battered paperback book stuffed into the back pocked of jeans worn by aspiring poets across the globe.  In 1978 Death of a Lady’s Man, a major collection of poetry and prose came out.  After years of study of Zen Buddhism, Book of Mercy 1984, the winner of the Canadian Author's Association Literary Award for Poetry was published containing 50 prose poems influenced by the Bible, Torah, and Zen writings which have been categorized as psalms or prayers.  1993 saw Stranger Music: Selected Poems and Songs, the Book of Longing came out in 2006, Poems and Songs in 2011, and Fifteen Poems in 2012. 
Leonard Cohen performing in the 70's  before trimming his hair and adopting the dark suits and fedora that became his performing uniform.


But the bulk of the 70’s and 80’s were consumed by Cohen’s active musical career which included active touring of Canada, Europe, and the U.S. and more than half a dozen albums recorded in a variety of musical styles.  He even collaborated with producer Phil Spector on Death of a Ladies’ Man, but it was an unhappy project and the notoriously unstable Spector threatened Cohen with a cross bow after one row.  Cohen also collaborated with other artists on scores for short films, a rock opera, and other projects.
In 1994 Cohen interrupted his career to enter the Mt. Baldy Zen Center near Los Angeles for what became five years of solitude and study culminating in his ordination as a Rinzai Zen monk.  His Buddhism did not constitute an abandonment of his Jewish faith, however.  He remained an observant Jew.  Cohen pointed out that there was neither petitionary prayer nor a god figure in his Zen practice and that the two were not incompatible.
After leaving the monastery, Cohen resumed writing poetry, sending new material to be posted on a fan website.  By 2001 he was back in the studio recording Ten New Songs which became a phenomenal international hit.  After 2004’s Dear Heather  album which reflected a lifting of years of depression due to his Zen practice, Cohen became embroiled in dispute with his long time manager, who he accused of embezzling more than five million dollars in funds supposed to be invested for his retirement.  After long court battles including counter suits, Cohen was vindicated, but unable to force his manager to repay the money.  He was forced into bankruptcy in 2005.

Cohen launched a hugely successful world tour in 2008 that continued intermittently for two years.  With the success of cover versions of Hallelujah he drew big crowds in the U.S. as well as with his established international audience.
In recent years honors have been heaped on Cohen including Companion of the Order of Canada, Canada’s highest civilian honor in 2003; Canadian Songwriters Hall of Fame in 2006; Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 2008; Grand Officer of the National Order of Quebec the same year; a Grammy Life Time Achievement Award and the Songwriter’s Hall of Fame in 2001; the PEN Award for Song Lyrics of Literary Excellence; and three Juno Awards—a top Canadian music award for his most recent work in 2013 and ’15.


Cohen at King's Garden, Odense, Denmark, August 2013.

Tower Of Song

Well my friends are gone and my hair is grey
I ache in the places where I used to play
And I’m crazy for love but I’m not coming on
I’m just paying my rent every day
Oh in the Tower of Song
I said to Hank Williams: how lonely does it get?
Hank Williams hasn’t answered yet
But I hear him coughing all night long
A hundred floors above me
In the Tower of Song
I was born like this,
I had no choice
I was born with the gift of a golden voice
And twenty-seven angels from the Great Beyond
They tied me to this table right here
In the Tower of Song
So you can stick your little pins in that voodoo doll
I’m very sorry, baby, doesn’t look like me at all
I’m standing by the window where the light is strong
Ah they don’t let a woman kill you
Not in the Tower of Song
Now you can say that
I’ve grown bitter but of this you may be sure
The rich have got their channels in the bedrooms of the poor
And there's a mighty judgement coming, but I may be wrong
You see, you hear these funny voices
In the Tower of Song
I see you standing on the other side
I don’t know how the river got so wide
I loved you baby, way back when
And all the bridges are burning that we might have crossed
But I feel so close to everything that we lost
We’ll never have to lose it again
Now I bid you farewell,
I don't know when I’ll be back
There moving us tomorrow to that tower down the track
But you’ll be hearing from me baby, long after I'm gone
I’ll be speaking to you sweetly
From a window in the Tower of Song
Yeah my friends are gone and my hair is grey
I ache in the places where I used to play
And I’m crazy for love but
I’m not coming on
I’m just paying my rent every day
Oh in the Tower of Song

—Leonard Cohen