Due to circumstances beyond our control—either that freak thunderstorm a/k/a passing light shower that hit Crystal Lake yesterday or Russian sabotage, take your pick—power was lost to the headquarters of the vast Heretic, Rebel media empire for about 20 hours and we were unable to provide today’s pithy and insightful blog post. Wide spread panic and mourning has been reported.
We apologize for the inconvenience. For a full refund for your lost day’s service, send a self-addressed stamped envelope and a crisp $100 bill to corporate headquarters. Thank you.